Tom Petty to Play Superbowl Halftime Show

Clearly, the NFL is not taking any chances. No wardrobe malfunctions. No guitar-shaped, backlit phallic imagery in the rain. Not even the possibility of cussing.

That’s right, Tom Petty will be lip-synching at the 50-yard-line at this year’s Super Bowl.

As he mumbles – with slightly more enunciation than Bob Dylan – Petty will likely be surrounded by hundreds of rosy-cheeked, smiling dancers prancing on the turf, flashing their best slow-motion jazz hands to the rollicking rhythms of songs like “Free Falling”.

Maybe Britney will make a cameo during “American Girl.” But only if she promises to put on the panties.

For most people, the halftime show is an opportunity to use the bathroom, refill the plate, check on their sideline bets and try to pick up the hot women who came to the Super Bowl party mostly to watch the commercials.

Good luck with the women, playa. Remember, women love a guy who knows all the players' names.

The Super Bowl airs February 3 on Fox.

By Jay Hicks, aka Track Evangelist